Monday, September 12, 2011

Confession #20: I never said I was a good mom.

This weekend I was given a gift.  A really nice, extravagant, over-the-top gift.  My children were all out of my home from 1:45 p.m. on Friday until 1:05 p.m. on Sunday.  Do the math, count the days, the hours, the minutes. I was child-free for that much time.  Blissful is the way to describe those moments.....that amazing gift I was given.

In the middle of all my celebrating and whooping it up, I had a conversation with another mom.  I made mention that I had been childless for a day already.  I said, "I think this might be the first time Michael and I have been in our own home without all three of our children.....ever."  I continued to speak, uttering these words, "And I felt....."

At that time, my co-conversationalist interrupted me with one word, "Lost?"  My heart, I did not feel lost without them.  I felt happy.  I felt relaxed.  I felt free.

I struggled to continue the conversation because I felt like such an ass for not missing my kids.  I lied and said, "Yeah, it's like I don't know what to do with myself."  However, I did know what to do with myself the entire time they were gone.

1.  Showered -- uninterrupted
2.  Put on make-up from start to finish -- uninterrupted
3.  Sat on my couch and watched football -- just because I could
4.  Ate some chips -- without sharing with anyone
5.  Used my small purse -- the one that doesn't have bottles, formula, diapers, and wipes
6.  Listened to my iPod -- the songs I wanted to hear
7.  Drank a pop -- without having to fill up sippy cups of sugar-free Kool-aid for anyone else
8.  Talked to my husband -- like a real conversation and everything
9.  Left bubble wrap on the floor -- just because I could
10. Slept in -- twice

As I look at my list of things I did in my own home, none of them are grand gestures of freedom, yet every parent knows how liberating it is to be in charge of only yourself.  I didn't organize, clean, or launder anything.  This weekend was about me.  Not about me getting stuff done.  And, damn it, it was amazing.

That brings me back to my original confession:  I never said I was a good mom.  However, when those little ones returned home, I was ready to take back the role of mother, and boy, did it feel good.

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