Let me put down my glass of wine freshly filled from the tap. Yes, I am drinking wine from a box. Parenting three children requires a box. Bottles just will not do.
The inspiration for this entry of the 'truths' of parenthood comes fresh from the nostrils of my littlest babe. I just got done picking the biggest boogers from her teeny little schnozz. This prompted me to think of the things we do as parents that are absolutely shocking to others, whether they're parents or not.
This list is not all-inclusive, obviously, though it is based 100% on truth.
1. I drown out my children's sobs as I extend their nostrils to their very limits getting every last booger out of their noses. I pick any and every booger I can. It makes me feel like a success.
2. I will wait out my husband's arrival home in order to avoid changing a nasty poopy diaper and then pretend the dirty deed just happened.
3. I dole out an extra 1/2 teaspoon of cold medicine in hopes that my children might sleep a little better. I don't feel guilty.
4. I have eaten food that my child has spit out.....without even noticing.
5. I let my eldest daughter watch "Gossip Girl" until the first sex scene. If it never happens, she watches the whole show. She claims it is her favorite show on TV.
6. I ask my children to get me another beer. (and they know which kind I drink)
7. I will let my children watch two hours of TV or a movie just so I can read stuff on the internet or make dinner.....or just do nothing at all.
8. I let my son sit in his booster seat with no pants (or diaper) just because it's easier than fighting him. This is not the only thing I give in about. He also stands on the countertop and spends 30 minutes washing his hands and feet in the toilet.
9. My children don't bathe nearly as often as they should because it's a pain in the ass. I tell them it's because I don't want their skin to dry out.
10. I would rather catch puke in my hands than have to clean it out of the carpet. Nothing makes me run faster than a child who is sick.
On the other hand, while I sound like a shitty slacker parent, I love the absolute crap out of those kids. I hate to see their tears, I hate to hear their cries, and I hate to see their hearts hurting. I would do anything to let my kids know that they are the reason I smile when I'm sitting in the chair staring into space. They are my pride and joy, and every moment I share with them, no matter how rocky it seems at the time, is another moment that I couldn't imagine spending any other way. Parenthood makes you do and say things you never imagined you'd do and is, by far, the most important thing I'll ever do in my life. So while I drink my wine, my heart grows wistful to see their little faces again in the morning and know that they love me like none other. And guess what, so do I.